“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give away all I have for the poor, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (…)
Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. (…)
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
Much of this biblical passagem – St. Paul to the Corinthians – makes a lot of sense to me, so much so that it was one of the readings I chose for my wedding. The proposal is only one: love. I believe it is the beginning, the middle and the end.
I have received very positive feedback from mothers, some fathers and teachers who came to my sessions, read my book “Mães do Mundo” (“Mothers of the World”) or attended “Mom’s Rules” and I feel, for this very reason, that I should speak to you again of unconditional love.
This is, for me, and increasingly proven by families and educators, the solution that works in all occasions. Indeed, it is a daring solution, which requires courage. But it is also the straightforward, hassle-free solution. First, it works with you, for you, when you love yourself unconditionally. Then, it works with your neighbor.
When you choose love from among countless possibilities, you are putting aside what hurts you, such as anger, inflexibility, punishment, judgements…
When you interact from this place that exists within you, you are accessing healthy emotional states, thus acting through behaviors that are an example, making a difference in this world.
You are recognizing yourself, accepting yourself, saying yes to your needs, recognizing the other, accepting him/her and meeting their needs. Do you want a better filter than this?!
With the filter of unconditional love there is sharing. It is a permanent giving and receiving, without any mandatory order. You do not have to give first to harvest later. There is no first or second. There is only love. You have to solve challenges from positive emotional states, respecting your space and your limits. There is an equal value and you always, but always deserve love.
What happens then?
An unblocking! Everything gets transformed! There is empathy, vulnerability, connection, compassion…
Behavior begets behavior, therefore love begets love.
How wonderful it is that your son knows and feels, by your example, that regardless of whether he eats the whole soup or not, you love him with no conditions!
How magical it is that your partner knows and feels, by your example, that despite having forgotten your special date, you are the person of his/her life!
How smooth it is that you know and feel that, even if you have not fulfilled everything that was proposed in the work meeting for this week, your boss is still proud to have you in the team!
There are no conditions, there is only love, which is the beginning, the middle and the end. Set your heart thereon, ground your intentions therein, raise your questions therein and open yourself to affections, with truth, faith and hope. See what happens.